Blockade

All who have set out
and have failed
Failed not their task
Nor failed themselves
But have set a temporary blockade

With this blockade brings frustration
and great shame
Shame that hides strength
With lack of belief
But has set a dillusional aspet of life

Without sense of wits
and sense of strife
One crumbles not by order
Nor by will
But by lack of determination

All who have determination
and shear will
Conquer not themselves
Nor their task
But have overcome the blockade that no longer exists

*January 1998*

Utmost Respect

To have someone holding me,
in mind, body and spirit,
soothing the depths of my soul.
Someone holding me gently,
hardly touching my being,
with utmost respect.

To have someone respect me,
in mind body and spirit,
easing pains unrelated.
Someone respecting me genuinely,
unmockingly smiling the difference,
keeping a handle on friendship.

*December 1997*

Breaking the Shell

I stand tall
Face against the wind
Arms securely folded
No-one can break me

I stand firm
Head held high
Feet planted to the ground
No-one can break me

I stand alone
Heart beating faster
Thoughts safely stored
No-one can break me

I stand in awe
Eyes locked on
Ears readily listening
No-one can break me

I stand embraced
Arms wrapped around
Hands interlocked
A smile can break me.

*December 1997*

Unrest

I sit for hours at a time wondering...
not able to sleep my thoughts give me no rest.
In the darkness which supposedly leads to rest...
My thoughts are forever pondering.
I lay, wide awake hoping to ease into deep slumber...
Unsuccessfully I haven't done so for days!

My thoughts dance around in my head with worries of tomorrow...
The unknown leaves me uneasy and with little hope.
I sit for hours gazing into the night hopelessly searching for peace...
Unknowingly driving myself further away from solutions to my restless thoughts.
Sometimes, I think of things that troubled me from my past...
Unwillingly, I bow my head in shame and cry.

Why me? I try to make sense of it...
Still my thoughts are restless, reminding me of failures and shames.
My thoughts, they're what keep me awake...
Const ant reminders, full of guilt haunting me in my needed hours of sleep.
When my life, and am overcome with supreme sorrow.
Befuddled, I seek sweet release and comfort...
I write and write to soothe my soul, wishing for eternal peace.

Happiness, I've known for few moments , and try to cherish...
But they are so few that other thoughts overpower them.
Thus, I weep in solitude surrounded by darkness...
This is where I hide my biggest fears and darkest secrets.
I'll sit for hours without my rest...
Contemplating all the hurt that exists in my chest.

Memories are precious and good ones are few...
I hope the bad ones leave and I can actually sleep.
My thoughts keep me up at all hours of the night...
One day, my day will come when they can find
Peace within my mind...
Enabling me to engage in enjoyable slumber.

*December 1997*

La rose dans le vent

Comme une rose qui se balotte dans le vent
Tu es la pétale qui s'étend doucement
La vie est belle, le soleil très brillant
Tu es unis dans ton environment
Quelques gouttes de rosé se trouvent un logement
Tu es un abrit doux et reposant
Unique en la forme, la couleur calmante
Tu es un sort qui transforme mon aimant
Entourré de batisses dans un monde sans contentment
Tu es une joie qui dépasse tout autre désappointment
Comme une rose qui se balotte dans le vent
Tu es la splendeur qui existe d'en dedans

*1997*

A Shadow

A shadow, I am
A part of them
No-one knows I'm there

A shadow, I am
In my thoughts
Thinking of nothing else

A shadow, I am
In the night
People living in fear

A shadow, I am
Far off away
No-one knows I'm near

A shadow I am
In the light of day
Knowing not if I should stay

*1997*

Realization

As I lay down to rest
With this pain in my chest
I realize, it wasn't meant to be
It wasn't just that, I was too blind to see

As I now realize
With tears in my eyes
I was a fool to think it would work
Why did you have to be such a jerk

I could have made you so happy
But, you didn't want me
So now I walk all alone
With my pains ingraved in stone

*1997*

Indecisive

Indecisive
we aren't free
Caught between
One two three
Mixed feelings
locked inside
Truths unsaid
that may hide
Blue skies
turn to gray
Unknowing nights
throughout the day

*1997*

taking all that we've got

Forced smiles on their face
they live in all disgrace
mocking words turn to fear
they knew not what they'd hear
pain seen in one's eye
the truth they can't deny
whispers meant to be heard
they don't say just one word
seeking peace at one's side
they can not so they hide
lives turned upside down
they will always frown
wanting to heal the inner self
pushed aside on a shelf
only if their hearts would see
they would all be set free
blocking out all emotions
they have no devotions
forgiving souls they have not
taking all that we've got

*1997*