Blockade

All who have set out
and have failed
Failed not their task
Nor failed themselves
But have set a temporary blockade

With this blockade brings frustration
and great shame
Shame that hides strength
With lack of belief
But has set a dillusional aspet of life

Without sense of wits
and sense of strife
One crumbles not by order
Nor by will
But by lack of determination

All who have determination
and shear will
Conquer not themselves
Nor their task
But have overcome the blockade that no longer exists

*January 1998*

Utmost Respect

To have someone holding me,
in mind, body and spirit,
soothing the depths of my soul.
Someone holding me gently,
hardly touching my being,
with utmost respect.

To have someone respect me,
in mind body and spirit,
easing pains unrelated.
Someone respecting me genuinely,
unmockingly smiling the difference,
keeping a handle on friendship.

*December 1997*

Breaking the Shell

I stand tall
Face against the wind
Arms securely folded
No-one can break me

I stand firm
Head held high
Feet planted to the ground
No-one can break me

I stand alone
Heart beating faster
Thoughts safely stored
No-one can break me

I stand in awe
Eyes locked on
Ears readily listening
No-one can break me

I stand embraced
Arms wrapped around
Hands interlocked
A smile can break me.

*December 1997*

Unrest

I sit for hours at a time wondering...
not able to sleep my thoughts give me no rest.
In the darkness which supposedly leads to rest...
My thoughts are forever pondering.
I lay, wide awake hoping to ease into deep slumber...
Unsuccessfully I haven't done so for days!

My thoughts dance around in my head with worries of tomorrow...
The unknown leaves me uneasy and with little hope.
I sit for hours gazing into the night hopelessly searching for peace...
Unknowingly driving myself further away from solutions to my restless thoughts.
Sometimes, I think of things that troubled me from my past...
Unwillingly, I bow my head in shame and cry.

Why me? I try to make sense of it...
Still my thoughts are restless, reminding me of failures and shames.
My thoughts, they're what keep me awake...
Const ant reminders, full of guilt haunting me in my needed hours of sleep.
When my life, and am overcome with supreme sorrow.
Befuddled, I seek sweet release and comfort...
I write and write to soothe my soul, wishing for eternal peace.

Happiness, I've known for few moments , and try to cherish...
But they are so few that other thoughts overpower them.
Thus, I weep in solitude surrounded by darkness...
This is where I hide my biggest fears and darkest secrets.
I'll sit for hours without my rest...
Contemplating all the hurt that exists in my chest.

Memories are precious and good ones are few...
I hope the bad ones leave and I can actually sleep.
My thoughts keep me up at all hours of the night...
One day, my day will come when they can find
Peace within my mind...
Enabling me to engage in enjoyable slumber.

*December 1997*

La rose dans le vent

Comme une rose qui se balotte dans le vent
Tu es la pétale qui s'étend doucement
La vie est belle, le soleil très brillant
Tu es unis dans ton environment
Quelques gouttes de rosé se trouvent un logement
Tu es un abrit doux et reposant
Unique en la forme, la couleur calmante
Tu es un sort qui transforme mon aimant
Entourré de batisses dans un monde sans contentment
Tu es une joie qui dépasse tout autre désappointment
Comme une rose qui se balotte dans le vent
Tu es la splendeur qui existe d'en dedans

*1997*

A Shadow

A shadow, I am
A part of them
No-one knows I'm there

A shadow, I am
In my thoughts
Thinking of nothing else

A shadow, I am
In the night
People living in fear

A shadow, I am
Far off away
No-one knows I'm near

A shadow I am
In the light of day
Knowing not if I should stay

*1997*

Realization

As I lay down to rest
With this pain in my chest
I realize, it wasn't meant to be
It wasn't just that, I was too blind to see

As I now realize
With tears in my eyes
I was a fool to think it would work
Why did you have to be such a jerk

I could have made you so happy
But, you didn't want me
So now I walk all alone
With my pains ingraved in stone

*1997*

Indecisive

Indecisive
we aren't free
Caught between
One two three
Mixed feelings
locked inside
Truths unsaid
that may hide
Blue skies
turn to gray
Unknowing nights
throughout the day

*1997*

taking all that we've got

Forced smiles on their face
they live in all disgrace
mocking words turn to fear
they knew not what they'd hear
pain seen in one's eye
the truth they can't deny
whispers meant to be heard
they don't say just one word
seeking peace at one's side
they can not so they hide
lives turned upside down
they will always frown
wanting to heal the inner self
pushed aside on a shelf
only if their hearts would see
they would all be set free
blocking out all emotions
they have no devotions
forgiving souls they have not
taking all that we've got

*1997*

Promesses et déceptions

La vie est pleine de promesses,
faites pour ne pas se faire réaliser.
Les déceptions sont reconnus car
elles sont comme le couché du soleil.

J'en veux plus de promesses et déceptions,
mon système n'en peut plus.
Les émotions bouleversées, mises à croire,
à espérer et empiétés dessus.

Lorsque ce serai mon tour, lors de mon besoin,
Seras-tu là? Oui? Oui.
c'est de la merde que tu me fais envaller,
Car c'est mon heure du besoin et je suis seule.

Les promesse emportent la déception
connue depuis longtemps.
Les promesses j'y croient plus et
je suis encore décue.

*1997*

The Vine and the Flower
Courtesy of Lise Lemay
Letellier, MB
2007

Exploration

Wondering through the depths of my soul
Figuring out emotions beyond control
Corruptions can be left behind
In a dark corner of my mind
Have no fear, enter with confidence
Unblinded light passes through this fence
Pounding wonderments are there to explore
From deep within this budding core
Amazement from newfound peace
Expected to rise in sweet release
Fascination examined in these eyes
Knowing there'll be some compromise
Inner feelings long suppressed
Trouble me no more in great success
Unfading smiles from here to there
Symbolic to those who care
Caress my soul and heart with simplicity
Displays compassion and deep sincerity
Eased soul, mind and body
Strength built in conscious dignity

*August 1997*

Inner Questionning

Where would my thoughts be
without concealed
emotions and feelings
to submit my inner peace and serenity
to someone, a complete stranger,
who will understand them?

A complete stranger...
it seems almost impossible to think of
the effort it would take to have someone
relish my thoughts and smile with
serene dignity and face my secrets.

The effort is somewhat anticipated
and conceivable to approve of such action
that is uncontrollably out of sync, out of sorts,
to the ideal of a person getting close,
reaching out to know the history of ones trepidations.

Such action would be misinterpreted
for a longing of wild sensations existing
between two chemically bound, ravishing
people who have long suppressed and
blocked out emotions related to touch.

Why suppress the need for touch
by an opposing view who can exude
such passion and leave me feeling
whole and wanted by another soul
exquisitely demonstrating coital enjoyment.

Thus comes conclusion of opposed views
and hardships suffered must surface
to honor courtship behaviors an salvage
my resolve to pursue further pleasures,
than only coital gestures, in affinity.

*July 1997*

Unresolved

When will it be my turn??
To love and be loved
To hold and be held
To comfort and be comforted

When will my time come??
To give and be received
To rejoyce and be accepted
To bear a child and be appreciated

When will my heart heal??
From sorrow and have happiness
From deceit and have trust
From lost love and gain wisdom

When will my soul rest??
From restlessness and have peace
From constraint and have freedom
From hopelessness and gain hope

When will my wounds be forgotten??
From pain to soothing
From anguish to conquered
From fear to victory

When will I suffer no longer??
In memories from the past
In punishment from guilt
In corruption from pressured innocence

When will I forgive myself??
For not being able to do anything
For not saying something
For not having the strength to put it behind me

When? When will I accept myself??
For what I've accomplished
For the strength and inner will to continue my journey
For who I am and for the wisdom acquired on the basis of past experiences

*June 1997*

Mon petit sourire

Mon petit amour plein de vie
Je t'embrasse quand tu souri
J'écoute ton petit coeur
Battant fort en espérant ton bonheur

Les larmes aux yeux y'en a plus
Sauf pour celles de joie
Tu t'excites et tu découvres
Des merveilles qui t'appatiennet

Dans mes bras tu t'sauveras
des gros monstres et fantomes
Y'en n'aura pas

Tes soucies et tes peines
J'l'ai prendrai de toi
En les fesant venir les miennes
Tu le saurais que c'est moi

Ferme tes petits yeux
C'est le temps du repos
Fait prière au cieux
Mon petit sourire fait dodo

*June 1997*

Class of 1997

Knowing faces and parts of their mind
Can we truly say we'll put this all behind?
Memories we've made plenty I'm sure
Now we must plan for our budding future
Words of wisdom, we've gained plenty
In saying nothing, we'll come out empty
Expanded minds we know not what's to come
Our life journey ended? No! It has just begun
We have grown and became one together
We will push on and make things better
Comparing ourselves to each other no longer it seems
The truth came out and we've made it as a team
Struggles? Yes, we have had many
Now with open eyes we begin to see
A few times we've all disagreed
Power struggles? No more! We've learned how to lead!
Just as we thought we've met our match
No-one is invincible and we've buried the hatch
Imprinted memories from how much we've grown
Shows us that no-one will be left alone
We've shared many obstacles and many things feared
Yet, we've overcome barriers when our minds have cleared
We've made it this far but it isn't the end
It is time to start living I encourage you my friends
Remember the good times and also the bad
For these are the precious moments we have had
Our greatness is achieved in self acceptance
But remember not to be greedy in times of indulgence
It is up to us now, the lessons we'll teach
To all the future's children we must try to reach
We came to this school mere girls and boys
Now we shall leave young adults with a certain poise
Plunge confident into the world and take a dive
Because we have the knowledge and we will survive
The memories made have become our own
Can't we see that we have grown
There will be many nights when we'll turn to go to sleep
And we'll reminisce the good times and we'll sometimes weep
Now, dry those eyes and shed no more tears
After all we still have our peers
A few last words that I am proud to say
Before we depart on our final day
We've made our mark, a little piece of heaven
Together we truly are the class of 1997

*May 1997*

J'm'aime

Je suis une personne valable. Je prends mes propres décisions. J'accepte la responsabilité de mes actes et les conséquences de mes décisions. Je prends ma place au soleil! Je respecte mes forces et mes faiblesses, et celles des autres. Je ne suis pas un problème. Tu n'es pas un problème. C'est la situation qui est le problème et nous allons la régler ensemble. Je suis capable de plus. Je prends des risques. J'accepte que je n'aimerai pas tout le monde. J'accepte que je ne plairerai pas à tout le monde. Je suis prête à changer si je voie la nécessité de changer. Je peux me changer; je ne peux pas changer l'autre. Je m'aime et je suis valable!

*1997*

Crying Release

I cry for hours at a time
Why?
I am not sure
Me emotions were so well kept,
locked inside not surfacing
But now...
I cry
Why do I cry?
I ask myself why?
The answer never comes.
Is it stress?
Perhaps
Is it love?
Maybe
Is it personal?
Definitely
Do you know why?
I haven't a clue
I cry and write to figure it out
But my train of thought is blocked right out.
I cry and cry
Not knowing why
My tears fall down in silent serenity
I am alone and I cry
Still I know not why
It comes out without warning
I cry alone in my corner unnoticed
Still I know not why I cry
As I sigh and breathe I cry with great ease.
Why do I cry?
I simply just need a release.

*April 1997*

What Am I?

I am not tall
Nor am I thin
I am short
With distinctive curves

I am not loud
Nor am I forward
I am quiet
With a sense of compassion

I am not weak
Nor am I strong
I am fearful
With a lack of trust

I am not sheltered
Nor am I protected
I am ashamed
With loss of self worth

I am not perfect
Nor am I brilliant
I am a woman
With self-discipline

I am not an animal
Nor am I an object
I am a person
With ideas that want to expand

*March 1997*

I Was Yours

When I looked into your eyes for the first time
They captured the essence of my heart and
I was yours.

*March 1997*

If

If I had but one dream
It would be to be with you
If it takes me a lifetime
To have your smile before mine
I would wait for another chance
Just to see your charming glance

If it means to be with you
I'll wait a million years too
If those who fear your success
As no-one has your awareness
I would wait for another chance
Just to see your charming glance

*March 1997*

Like a Fence

"Love is like a fence,
It holds the ones you love,
It shields you from harm,
And it has little pricks that
Drive you insane!"

*February 1997*

Spring Has Sprung
Smithers BC
April 2008

Gardez en mémoire

Malcomprise elle s'enferme
Elle ressent beaucoup de peine.
Ses yeux remplissent de larmes
Elle ne veut plus garder son calme.
Ses amis reconnaissent sa tristesse
Et lui offrent leurs tendressent.
Comprenant que ses amis
Sont sincèrent, tout est compris.
Important sont ses mémoires
Il en faut qu'un peu pour y croire.
Le silence est impuissant en amitié
Toujours les histoires s'écroulent sans penser.
Impressions qui restent avec nous pour toujours
L'habileté de poursuivre nos rêves qui cours.
A travers des temps on se rapelle
Nos expériences qui sont nouvelles.
Toutes choses portant attention
Tout en regardant les expressions.
Nos amitiés dureront pour une éternité
En mémoires on doit les garder.

*février 1997*

Mon silence, un regard

Mon silence n'est qu'un regard
dans la noirceur, sombre et incompréhensible
Sans raisons, personne n'a le courage
de distinguer ses propres fautes, interprète
Des choix, j'en ai plus toujours
l'éternité n'est qu'une retraite de la réalité
Quelques pensés sont sans émotions
incomparables aux tragédies soufertes, injustes
Les corridors, longs et étroits continuent
sans fin, sans passage à l'extérieur
Toutes impressions, ne restent que parfois
et ils sont distinct du jour au lendemain
Observations, fortes et en mémoire
tant de misère dans nos vies, irréelles
Mon silence n'est qu'un regard
dans la noirceur, sombre et incompréhensible

*février 1997*

Left Me Nothing

You told me you'd always be there
When I'm in need
Now it seems you just don't care
And you've left me to bleed

Caring not in my time of sorrow
Were you really my friend?
Hoping we'd talk you'd say tomorrow
Now I think this is the end

My feelings just don't count anymore
Except when you want something
You've shut me out and slammed the door
Without respect or gratitude you've left me nothing

*February 1997*

Stood Up

Stood up, he stands out above all the rest.
Stood up, I shan't be budged from my perception.
Stood up, he speaks out against all who oppose him.
Stood up, I'm denied my true feelings of thought.
Stood up, he plays and smile and draws me in.
Stood up, I regret and weep and want him more.
Stood up, he overpowers my sensations and laughs.
Stood up, I curse in wallowed emotions of untamed convictions.
Stood up, he knows not nor does he seem to care.
Stood up, I crave his affection in anger and in hope...
Stood up, I'll never forget the feelings inside.
Stood up, forgettably unforgiving.

*January 1997*

Aimer en attentente

Désappointée, je me retourne et je pleure
Je l'aime, oui le sais
Pourquoi?
Je suis prête, je la'ttends
Il ne peut pas me recevoir
Mais, je le veux, pour qui il est
Personne ne comprends
Je suis folle, folle pour cet homme
Et pourquoi?
Je ne comprends pas, je suis attachée
J'ai besoin de me ressentir aimée

*Janvier 1997*

You're My Only

Honey you're my only
Honey you're my only

Baby don't let me go
Baby cause I love you so
Baby you're my only
Honey you're my only

Baby I'll never let you go
Cause baby I love you so
Tell me that you love me too
Tell me that your heart is true

Baby you're my only
Honey you're my only

Baby I won't let you
Tell me it ain't true
I love you so
Baby I can't let go

Honey you're my only
Baby I love you
You're my only

Keep your promises
And I won't be afraid
The kisses that I gave you
Is a symbol that I love you

Baby you're my only
Honey you're my only
Baby you're my only
Honey how can this be
Baby you're my only
Honey you're my...
Only

*December 1996*

Set Aside

Feeling alone and set aside
Nowhere to go, no place to hide
Anger dominates my fear
Lonely and unwanted is what I hear
Smiles cover up my frown
Sadness kicks me when I'm down
Everything will be alright
Gotta stay and put up a fight
Shame something that is well known
Builds up and stays until it's shown
Tears filling in my eyes
My pain can't be measured in size
Heartbroken I run to forget
Nothing can ever make me upset
Lies I took and I now believe
Can't be set straight when I grieve
Feeling alone and set aside
Nowhere to go, no place to hide

*December 1996*

Je serai libre!

Si j'avais le courage de te dire ce que je pense.
Je serai libre... Je serai libre!
Le courage m'esquisse par chance et
je ne puisse pas te le dire.
Même si ma volonté t'appelle,
je ne suis pas capable de penser.
Sans toi puis-je vivre?
Vivre sans toi? Non! Jamais!
Pourais-je avoir ton silence,
sans geste de beauté?
Une foie plus tu m'appelles et
je viens dans tes bras.
Sans questions, sans demandes;
tu me prends et je suis à toi.
Non pas une possession mais
plutot une acolade d'amour.
Le courage ça vient d'en dedans
et ce n'est pas toujours évident qu'il est là.
Mais, c'est ce qui me pousse dans ta direction;
ça m'encourage d'avantage à poursuivre
mes rêves et mes ambitions.
Un jour... Un jour la chance de te les dires.
Tu en seras le premier à les entendre.
Et, finalementje serai libre!
Si javais le courage de te dire....
Si javais le courage...
Je serai libre!

Not Knowing

Gentle as a lamb
Free as a bird
People fearing what can
And not hearing a word

Supple as a fish
Green as a leaf
People thinking of wish
And not knowing to believe

*October 1996*

Salmon Arm, BC
May 2008

"Once you understand the silence that ties me to the reality of thought, you can understand the words that I try to interpret from it."

*October 1996*

Anything For Me

My baby would do anything for me
Treated me well, some kind of royalty
Until the day he left without saying goodbye
I told myself never again will I cry

One day I awoke all alone
No-one to call my very own
Seems like yesterday I was in your arms
Laying beside your undeserving charms

My baby would do anything for me
Treated me well, some kind of royalty
Until the day he left without saying goodbye
I told myself never again will I cry

Creeping up from the depths of my soul
I can't keep my self control
I want to shout and tell you to stay
Why did you have to go away

My baby would do anything for me
Treated me well, some kind of royalty
Until the day he left without saying goodbye
I told myself never again will I cry

When I'd get home from work
I felt all alone
Couldn't sleep one wink at night
Don't know what went wrong

My baby would do anything for me
Treated me well, some kind of royalty
Until the day he left without saying goodbye
I told myself never again will I cry


*October 1996*

Mon petit chéri

Mon petit chéri
Qui cligne son oeil et sourit
Semble si gentil
Avec ses dents blanches qui brillent

Son petit humour
Qui fait rire pour des jours
Semble prendre mon silence
Avec un surplus d'une chance

Mon petit toutous
Qui caresse d'un touché doux
Semble savoir le comfort
Avec le chaleureux qui ressort

Son petit coeur
Qui bat fort sans peur
Semble généreux
Avec la tendresse qui est en feu

Mon petit chéri d'amour
Qui restera j'espère pour toujours
Semble si chouette
Avec son sourire, ses yeux bleux me respectent

*Septembre 1996*

When?

I've been down this road
Many times
Thinking will this hurt subside
With time
I can't sleep and can
Hardly eat
When will this pain
Admit defeat
Nothing seems right in this
Heart of mine
When will this pain
Admit defeat

*September 1996*

Torn

Torn between the both of them
Caught without knowing the truth
True emotions not wanting to show
Disappointment, sorrow and disbelief
Trust that people shall seek
Understanding not what happens
Tragedy strikes without warning
Conflicting in all discomfort
Understatements of past lies
Confrontations of much awkwardness

*September 1996*

Someone

Someone I keep close to my heart
Is dear to me
Hoping to stay close not to part
Dreams that will be

Someone I can cry or laugh to
Makes me smile
Hoping you know without a clue
Happiness for a while

Someone who comforts with hugged embrace
With an open arm
Hoping not to lose the gift of grace
He'll keep me from harm

Someone who enjoys fine company
Awakens his mind
Hoping to keep his honest dignity
Knowing to be kind

Someone is this little man
Who is a real sweetie
Hoping that it still means you can
As you are my little cutie

*September 1996*

Daniel

Daniel, Daniel, Daniel tu es un bon ami
Il y a aucun mot qui te décrit
Sans le savoir tu es un vrai défit
Daniel, Daniel, Daniel les yeux bleux qui ressort
Les filles qui te parcourent te disent; "je t'adore!"
Car mon ami Daniel vaut plus que de l'or

*septembre 1996*

Suffocated

Hands surrounding the throat
Anger is what possesses this action
My life flashing, I think I'm gonna croak
Permanently damaging there is no resolution
Air cut off there's no more breath
Sensations lost it can't be much longer
If my life is useless this should be my death
Privacy? Mine no longer! This means I'm a gonner

*August 1996*

To Feel

Wanting to hold someone so close to me
Is a wish I've wanted to hear this sincerity
The need for closeness is always on my mind
My true feelings for him can never be left behind
A touch resulting in soothing relief
Is a sign of my loosened grief
Fingers running through my hair
Shows me he isn't afraid to care
Pressed closely to feel his heartbeat next to mine
Beating as one, it sends shivers down my spine
Wanting to hold someone so close to me
Never letting go to feel this passion and sincerity

*August 1996*

Untitled

Torn between two and one
Is life so full beyond no-one
Torn between one and two
Knowing not what to do

*August 1996*

Before the Manitoba Border
April 2008

Searching to Find

Searching to find one
I can call my own
Isn't a task quite as simple
As wounds permanently sewn

Searching to find one
I can call my mate
Isn't a task quite as simple
As tears shed by a date

Searching to find one
I can all my pet
Isn't a task quite as simple
As denied love that we fret

Searching to find one
I can call my sweet
Isn't a task quite as simple
As meetings made so discreet

Searching to find one
I can call my soul
Isn't a task quite as simple
As hearts broken beyond control

Searching to find one
Who is truly mine
Isn't a task simply because
Things come to those in time

*August 1996*

Lost Loves

Feeling your heartbeat close to mine
Makes me wish it could last
Running your fingers through my hair
Sends shivers down my spine
Surrounding grips gave away the past
Lost loves who prevent me to care

*August 1996*

Down N Out

When you're feeling down n out
Its no wonder you frown n pout
Wandering through life without a doubt
Makes you want to scream n shout

Concern means nothing in this war
It's no wonder you've left n slammed the door
Leaving me no more choice, I'm poor
Without your love I'm nothing except sore

*August 1996*

Couldn't Share

If I felt the way I did
I couldn't help it yet, I hid
Burning desires that were there
Couldn't show it, couldn't care
My fears they were very real
Couldn't share with him my ordeal
Getting close my nerves were gone
Couldn't know all I've seen since dawn
Commitment a forbidden word to this man
Couldn't stay with one faithful woman
My fears they were very real
Couldn't share with him my ordeal

*August 1996*

Toujours là

Une distance les sépare du temps
Ce n'est rien à eux en ces moments.
Conquérir leur amour reste fort
Dominant jusqu'à la veillée est tard.
Ayant confiance leurs forces sont bien
Diminuant Non! même s'ils ont rien.
La solitude ils en connaissent pas
Car ils se tiennent et seront tourjours là.

*aout 1996*

Unable to

Unable to sleep
I turn to weep
Past events.
Unable to cry
I turn and sigh
Past love.
Unable to grieve
I turn to leave
Past memories.
Unable to talk
I turn and walk
Past angers.
Unable to sleep,
Cry, grieve or talk
I turn to weep,
Sigh, leave and walk
Past events, loves,
Memories and angers.
I'm unable to deal
With all life's dangers.
I'm unable to...
Unable to...
Unable...

*July 1996*

These Are

These are my eyes
when they are blue
They seem so sad
when I'm not with you

These are my lips
when they smile bright
They seem so happy
when I feel alright

These are my cheeks
when they are rosy
They seem to glow
when I feel cozy

These are my hands
when they are warm
They seemed so soft
when I was born

This is my heart
when it is giving
It seems to pound
when I am loving

*July 1996*

Chaque battement

Chaque battement de coeur franchit
Ne cessera autant qu'un amour est établit
Mais seul cet amour puisse saisir
Un esprit qui cherche à s'égrandir

Chaque battement de coeur involontaire
Ne s'éteindra lorsque tout sera clair
Mais seul, il n'y sera point
Un chuchot du jour au lendemain

Chaque battement de coeur résonnat
Ne s'expose que par l'absence du temps
Mais seul le temps n'existe plus
Un geste sincère s'est apperçu

Chaque battement de coeur complet
Ne s'échappera d'un bon secret
Mais seul ce secret est entre deux
Un héro enchanté dans ses yeux

Chaque battement de coeur franchit
Ne cessera autant qu'un amour est établit
Mais seul cet amour puisse saisir
Un esprit qui cherche à s'égrandir


*juillet 1996*

Turned Out Sad

Thoughts re-entering my mind

Past events that were left behind
Confusions taken for granted
Knowing not why I'm haunted

Gathering notions that seem true
Comparing them without a clue
Nothing ever looked so bad
Ashamed feelings turned out sad

*July 1996*

Lorsque je me regarde

Chaque soir lorsque je me regarde
dans le miroir, je pense: Pourquoi
ai-je la'ir de telle façon? Sans
réplique, je connais la réponse.
Mais, sans l'savoir je me tourmente
à l'intérieur car avec mon apparence
je me sent inférieur. Tous les
jours je me voie et j'oublie toutes
les choses aimés aussi. Même les
gestes d'amitié envers moi sont
que des farces tourmentés.

*juillet 1996*

The Storm

Winds picking up, a sure sign
Another Storm is coming near.
Coming with a warning, knowing
Better take cover soon.
Cover is worse when seen, but
Flying open with rage.
Rage is this storm that continues, endless
Beating down on the lone house.
The house takes the storm, and
Stands strong not crumbling down.
Crumbling down seems easier now, instead
It stands still taking the storm.
The storm leaves just as it came, yet
Hope will arise from strength within.

*June 1996*

You Think You Can/Are

You think you can have what you let go.
The truth is you didn't have a clue and
Now you know.

You think you are the greatest or the best.
The truth is you have the biggest ego and
Now you're the same as the rest.

You think you can take what isn't yours.
The truth is you didn't know what you wanted and
Now all you have left is hours.

You think you can treat people like objects.
The truth is you have an illusion and
Now you've nothing 'cept rejections.

You think you are everyone's hero.
The truth is your fate is spoken for and
Now you can't grasp things of tomorrow.

*June 1996*

Par chance

Si j'avais eu le choix de différencier
les doutes de ma vie.
Tout semblerait insusceptible, intouchable
pour retourner à ces soucies.
Mais, de retourner sur ces décisions
serait de douter mon existence.
Mes convictions ne seraient mises en questions
et d'après tout, ce n'est que par chance.

*mai 1996*

Springtime Ride
Lockport MB
April 2008

Mon silence, un regard

Mon silence n'est qu'un regard
dans la noirceur, sombre et incompréhensible.
Sans raisons, personne n'a le courage
de distinguer ses propres fautes, interprète.
Des choix, j'en ai plus toujours
l'éternité n'est qu'une retraite de réalité.
Quelques pensés sont sans émotions
incomparables aux tragédies souffertes, injustes.
Les corridors, longs et étroits continuent
sans fin, sans passage à l'extérieur.
Toutes impressions, ne restent que parfois
et ils sont distinct du jour au lendemain.
observations, fortes et en mémoire
tant de misère dans nos vies, irréelles.
Mon silence n'est qu'un regard
dans la noirceur, sombre et imcompréhensible

Untitled

Life is over as I knew it
Nothing will ever be the same
The walls are getting closer
Closing in, not to be tame
All is lost in the present
Life can be forgiven
Mistakes brought such sorrow
Never to be forgotten

*May 1996*

Sometimes

Sometimes it seems like nobody's there
And sometimes it feels that they just don't care
But, sometimes it's alright to fight them to say
Sometimes it takes someone to show them the way

But, begging you please, sweetly I ask
Comparing our notes is a simple task
Completing the reasons you need no more grief
But, all is forgotten if you simply believe

Sometimes it takes one simple step
And sometimes we need a little "pep"
But sometimes our feelings heal in due time
As long as it's only sometimes

*April 1996*

Left Me Nothing

You told me you'd always be there
When I'd be in need
Now it seems you just don't care
And you've left me to bleed

Caring not in my time of sorrow
Were you really my friend
Hoping we could talk, you'd say tomorrow
Now I think this is the end

My feelings just don't count anymore
Except when you want something
You've shut me out and slammed the door
Without respect or gratitude you've left me nothing

*April 1996*

Why's This So?

Crying in all sorrow
Thinking there's no tomorrow
Feeling empty and hollow
Wondering which road to follow
Crouching close to the ground, so low
Rocking myself to and fro
Can't stay, but also can't go
Leaning towards the brightest glow
Not able to reach it, Why's that so?

*April 1996*

Intimidations

Intimidations made by those who can't
confide are only there to overcome things
that are hard. People seek the truth yet,
don't see because of the blindness that
lies within them. Blocking out new things or
experiences is brought by ignorance of those
who lack or fear things they don't understand.
Intimidation is nothing to those understanding
without ignorance.

*April 1996*

Solitude

Solitude us a good place to visit
But a poor place to stay
Solitude is there to keep thoughts
But doesn't keep conversations
Solitude is kept best at night
But isn't kept well during days
Solitude is lonely without any words
But friends soon comfort solitude with words

*April 1996*

Life is intimidating to many or some yet, only intimidations are made by those who are uncomfortable with themselves.

*April 1996*

Leaving

Leaving all that I've known
Without choice to this decision
It was nothing I could stop
For things change with times that pass

Leaving all that I've known
Nothing else can appease the rage
That people don't accept the difference
Brought upon by love that left

Leaving all that I've known
Since I've grown up around this place
Memories lost in hope to forget
Past events that bring much sorrow

Leaving all that I've known
Tears flowing for losing what's mine
Present feelings bewildered by all
Who would think it'll be alright

Leaving all that I've known
Words used to soothe and comfort
Sadness is all that is felt
Yet, stronger will build mind and morals

Leaving all that I've known

*April 1996*

Front yard Hello
Smithers BC
March 2007

Untitled

Walking by a dark, sombre road
Fearing all that is bestowed
Looking past all assumptions
Hurting for past deceptions
Thinking of feelings lost in grief
Carrying these thoughts with disbelief
Being nothing in ones eye
Passing chances going by
Torturing souls that get too near
Delighting urges that they should fear

*March 1996*

Leave Behind

Comparing feelings through it all
Brought upon by challenges unsolved
Retracing steps to understand
Changes that could not be made
Trying to restore all thoughts
To regain composure and control
Mind over matter just might work
Learning to cope with all this hurt
Knowing that the love must go
Emotions are harder to leave behind

*March 1996*

Tous ceux qui l'ont vécus,
le savent déjà et ne seront confus.
Tous ceux qui ne le savent déjà,
seront confus jusqu'à ce qu'ils l'auront vécus.

*Février 1996*

Bouleversé en confusion

Toutes émotions bouleversées dans cette confusion
Aucune chance de remettre ce qu'il y avait dans le passé
Mon opinion se fera jamais entendus sauf lorsque
j'y mettrai l'effort de me faire entendre
Toutes choses qui m'est si précieux ne vaux
rien sans en avoir lieu
Pris pour acquis, je comprends
Mais personne peut respecter ma discretion
de vouloir mon silence et ma paix
Retourner en arrière, c'est impossible
de changer ce qui est le passé
Prenez garde et évitez tous
blocages de pensés

*Février 1996*

Unfinished/Untitled

No more tears
without our fears
Where we shall hear
All who are near

*February 1996*

tortured souls and minds cannot
describe pains that subside within the
hearts of fragile children playing
isolated from all harm brought
upon by evil souls that make us wary
of things foretold by those insightful
of such matters complicating life in
ways that make differences seem
so alike without clarifying subjects
that are forbidden by a simple
touch from deep within completing
tasks that fought to come out
saying words that hurt so much
creating unforgettable sorrows leaving
imprints within minds untouched and
unchanged even when brought
the chance to change past
events...

*February 1996*

Untitled

Courage found in ones dream
Can be broken off at the seam
Truths forgotten what they mean
Unforgotten is this pain
Dark clouds filled with rain
Complete sadness of one's slain
Broken hearts brought to shame
Can be so fragile never tame
Always spoken with such pain

*February 1996*

Untitled

Love is known to some
but few
Respecting something quite
so true
Keeping all as once
we knew
Sorrows lost reaching out
for you

*February 1996*

Untitled

Feeling better
By being there
Shows how much
You really care
Special smiles
Without fear
All's forgotten
When you're near

*February 1996*

Forced

Forced upon this gentle parcel
All memories of this one hassle
Forced to stay and hear
All memories of that one year
Forced upon this innocent soul
All memories of lost control
Forced not to speak that night
All memories concealed in fright
Forced to keep eternal silence
All memories of awful violence
Forced silence to tease and taunt
All memories that come to haunt
Forced pain, sorrow and agony
All memories of uncaught felony

*January 1996*

Fallen Roots
Bulkley Valley, BC
July 2005

Indecisive

Indecisive, we aren't free
Caught, between one, two, three
Mixed, feelings locked inside
Truths, unsaid that may hide
Blue, skies turn to gray
Unknowing, nights throughout the day

*January 1995*

Untitled

Manipulating, is how they really are
Opening wounds that never mend
Tearing at everything that can scar
Is grieving hearts that try and defend

*December 1995*

Self-Destruction

What lies within is what should matter
Not how you look or how you dress
The way you feel about yourself
Can help with esteem and self-production
Comforts reassure you with tender care
When you're down knowing someone's near
Whom can confront fears that subside
Hiding feelings holding everything 'till the end
Exploding with exertion, frustration and enger
Knowing nothing more than self-destruction

*November 1995*

Words

Words can hurt so much
Yet, are soon comforted be your touch
Words you've used are so mean
Yet, their truths seem so obscene
Words were meant to deceive
Yet, contradict what people perceive

*November 1995*

Wishing I Could

Wishing I could see your eyes
Underneath the stars at night
Wanting to hold you by my side

Wishing I could see your smile
As we walked only for a while
Keeping you close to only me

Wishing I could see your face
Over this sweet embrace
Caressing you for eternity

Wishing I could be with you
Deciding what we should do
Risking to keep the dream that's true

*October 1995*

Risks

Seize the moments, they don't last forever
Grasp the options, they won't be there long
Snatch the chances before they disappear
Take a risk before all hope dissolves
Many moments are taken for granted
Chances come but, only for a while
All options are your decisions
Risking it all to fulfill your dreams

*October 1995*

RE-entering, out of the blue, out of nowhere
Wanting, but, what? Don't know!
Asking, pleading, wondering, feeling
Emotions, re-entering mind, body & soul

*October 1995*

Darkness fills this empty soul
Without boundaries it's uncontrolled
Judgements brought upon things they wear
Staring with a cold and icy glare

*September 1995*

Patrice

Souriant tu démontre le bonheur
Avec la puretée de ton coeur
Souriant tu démontre la sagesse
Avec toutes confiances qui paraissent
Souriant tu démontre la patience
Avec courage et plein de confiance
Souriant tu démontre l'amitié à l'infini
Avec toutes convictions d'un bon ami
Souriant tu démontre la justice
Avec le nom que tu portes, Patrice

*Septembre 1995*

Sliding Fun
Babine Lake, BC
December 2007

Ceux qui...

Plein de vie et d'émotion
Sont ceux qui se débrouillent avec conviction
Très honnête et beaucoup de patience
Sont ceux qui obtiendront tout excellence
Avec difficulté parvenant tous obstacles
Sont ceux qui...


*Septembre 1995*

Innocent

Emotions, avec tendresses
Sont tous ces mots qui vous pressent
Subdivisés, sans l'savoir
Dévoués, il faut l'vouloir
Poursuivit, dans la noirceur
Tous amours qui tombent du coeur
Malhonnête, y'ont pas de chance
Vivre, entouré de cette ignorance

*Septembre 1995*

Unanimité d'infini

Etre un bon ami... Dans l'inanimité d'infini
Chances avec tout pardons... Près d'unanimité du son
Sourires avec confiances... Unaniment soutenus d'alliances

*Septembre 1995*

Mustard Truck

Cruising around in my mustard truck
'Round town, looking seeking, fro a place to hide
Where to go, wondering where this'll take me
Escaping in the midsts of the world, every day

Cruising around in this mustard truck
Fleeing all troubles from within to find true peace

Cruising the town in this mustard truck
True freedom, leading where I'm truly going
Power, this feeling that grows from inside
Miles away from all these worries that overtake me

Cruising the town in this mustard truck
People know it's me from miles around

Cruising again in this mustard truck
Night or day, indifferent is how I am
Keeping track of paths that pass me by
Seeing all the beauty as never seen through these eyes before

Cruising again in this mustard truck
Convinced, discovering all that was not possible nor there

Cruising silence in this mustard truck
Caring if only for a while, nothing special on my mind
These sites are for no-one else 'cept me
Lonely highways longer than the eye can see

Cruising, silent in my mustard truck
Worryless is how I am, enjoying life while I still can

*August 1995*

What you feel in the present reflects what you've done in the past and, also, what you'll become in the future!

*1995*

Desperation

Things misunderstood for what they are
Can be wounded and left with a scar
Misinterpreted gestures are made unseen
Of all the hopes of a single dream
Keeping things locked up inside
Of all the truths that want to hide
Simple words are hard to say
She wishes that they could stay
Nowhere to turn she fled
With troubling things left within her head
Seeing things that would make haste
A good mind that goes to waste
Paying dearly for her sin
Undying love from within
Paining feelings trouble her heart so much
Longing for this one and only touch
Out of happiness and all for lack of love
She hopes to be free as a dove
Knowing nothing more or any less 'til then
Will she stay in the darkness of the den
This spirit was meant to defend
What broken hearts shall mend

*1995*

Cornered

Deceiving words broke her heart
Tears wanting to start
Foolish was in what was said
Left an impression within her head
Alone she felt in a corner
Made her think and wonder
Hatred wants to come out
Yet she lets herself not shout
Emotions locked up inside
What a perfect place to hide
Her smile is left bitter and cold
As the true story did unfold

*1995*

Smiles never shone so bright
As now you are the light
Sweet you are with words
That are usually left unheard
Thoughts are spoken from your mind
Will never be left behind

*1995*

Seeking Truths

Through all the misery and sorrow
We have to think of a brighter tomorrow
Clouds seem to hide the sun
Thinking they have truly won
Keeping secrets never to be told
Their worth is greater than any gold
A thing taken for granted is beauty
Knowing not what makes it our duty
Drawing nearer to this darkness
Seeking the truths we must confess
Hidden fears locked up inside
Unloving tears that have died
Bluest skies turn to grey
Unstopped fighting to this day
Unhappy thoughts from the heart
Kept deep within since the start

*1995*

Sadness

My life is dark and empty
meaningless and continues for no reason
It's a wave that no-one sees
It's the year going through lonely seasons

Friends I once knew to be very near
Have grown apart and left me
All the memories I hold very dear
I can no longer bear to see

No-one told me it would be like this
No-one even seemed to care
Sadness came and stole a kiss
with a cold and icy glare

The shadows closing in on me
cornering me till I feel small
The screams of pain and agony
unbearable through it all

Depression overcomes my soul
with deep and dark despair
No time to overcome my goal
No time to even care

Alone and in the way
is how I feel inside
They smile and tell me to stay
Not noticing the tears I cried

The feeling that no-one cared
rushed upon me like a misty night
I was no longer scared
I felt the time was right

My life was coming to an end
No-one would ever understand
how I felt deep within

When soon I'm dead and gone
They'll regret what they had done
When comes the light of dawn
For once I will have won

What I did I can not undo
The choice was only mine
When sadness completely possesses you
It's only a matter of time

*1992*

Sad Heart

Sadness overcame her heart
For she knew they had to part
Tears streaking down her face
Of memories from this joyous place
Feelings of always wanting more
She knew not what was in store
Fearing all that is unknown
Finding out what she'd known
Silence overcame her soul
Wanting to regain control
Torn between her true emotions
Fearing all but true devotions
Unkept promises to this day
Knowing not what to say
Wanting compassion and some trust
Truly seeing that it must
Sadness overcame her heart
For she knew they had to part

*1995*

Snowdrifts
Smithers BC
December 2007

Distances

D'une distance elle le voit
Et elle retrace tous ses pas
Il est si beau elle se dit
Spécialement loqrsqu'il sourrit
Ses yeaux sont si beaux
Et aussi sa douce peau
Il est parfait dans sa manière
Tout semble être tellement claire
Assise très silencieusement
Sans montrer ses sentiments
Ses bras ouvert pleine d'amour
Viendra-t-il à son tour
Elle vie dans la tristesse
Et a besoin de la tendresse
Ses peurs sont toujours là
Elle ne les montre pas
Seule dans son petit coin
Elle le regarde de loin
Malcomprise elle s'enferme
Elle ressent beaucoup de peine
Ses yeux remplissent de larmes
Elle ne veut plus garder son calme
Il lui donne un beau sourrire
Ca lui fait beaucoup de plaisir
Elle voit toutes ses passions
Lorsqu'il joue cette chanson
Ils se rencontrent face à face
Et elle fige sur place
Son coeur bat plus fort
Elle veut avoir son corp
Elle retrouve son bonheur
Lorsqu'il lui offre une seule fleur
Il lui demande gentillement
Elle l'écoute patientement
Tout ceci est-ce vraie
Son coeur ressent sa paix
Seule elle nesera plus
Car elle l'a tant voulu
Sous son bras elle est bien
Elle sait qu'il est le sien
Bouleversés sont ses émotions
Il recevera tout son attention
Elle le traitait avec ignorance
Elle pensait pas avoir une chance
Ressentant plus le malheur
Elle a seulement le bonheur
Il a une manière avec ses mots
Lorsqu'il lui offre un petit cadeau
Elle est tellemtn contente finalement
Et ne peut pas décrire comment elle se sent
Ses yeux remplissent d'eau
Par la beauté de ses mots
Ce jour restera dans sa mémoire
Jusqu'à ce qu'ils se disent aurevoir

*1994/1995*

Mend

Untouched souls want to mend
What broken hearts shall defend

*1994/1995*

Lies

All the lies that have been said
have left an imprint in my head
All the secrets that have been told
have been said to another, uncontrolled
All the rumors that have been heard
have created lies with exaggerated word
All the agony that has been lived
has been left to die, forgiven
All the sadness that has been expressed
has been shut out and laid to rest
All the pain that has been felt
has been created or unfelt
All the sorrows that aren't meant to see
have been expressed for all but me

*1994/1995*

Love is true if only kept,
Only then shall they accept!

*1994/1995*

Caused By Disbelief

Darkness overcame this happy soul
Losing almost all her control
Keeping everything locked up inside
All her emotions no longer want to hide
Creeping shadows not wanting to part
Knowing not how or when to start
Nothing ever seems to make sense
Maybe that's why she's so tense
Sadness seems to fill her days
Not losing one minute of this craze
Lonely she lives with all fear
Drawing away from all who are near
Seeing nothing more than grief
All this caused by disbelief
Such unhappiness in her life
Wanting to stop all this strife
Pain and sorrow are all she knows
This fleeting feeling never goes

*1994/1995*

Wouldn't Be Bought

Pain and sorrow in her mind
Nothing's ever very kind
Misery overtook her soul
Now she dwells in a deep hole
Wanting to break through the walls
As she walks down the halls
Can't even hold her fear
She's afraid that they'll hear
Troubles left and right
She'll stand up and fight
Looking for a friend
Will the shouting ever end
Her feelings locked up inside
They can no longer hide
Crying inside day and night
She isn't a pretty sight
Violence is the only way
For those people to pay
Yet, her heart knows the pain
And people think she's insane
Thinking of things they once said
Terrible memories stay in her head
Afraid of what people thought
Her soul wouldn't be bought

*1994/1995*

Untitled

Blocked out memories brought to mind
Unending agony that was so unkind
Depression filled all life's happiness
Unseen gestures made in darkness

*1994/1995*

Friends

True friends'll never part
Keep 'em close to your heart

No matter what you fear
I'm always very near

Knowing that you really care
I'll always be right there

Suns never shone so bright
For you've shown me light

Nothing compares to you
Except our friendship that grew

Memories we have from the past
From our friendship that'll always last

*1994/1995*

Little sister

Brothers, sisters protecting me
So alone I shall be
Tough enough, they think not
Little sister's what they got

*1994/1995*

Through My Day

Sometimes I see it my way
yet, no time is the right time
to say how I'm feeling
Speak out and know that
someday that right guy is
taken with you this day
All that I'm feeling can
explain what I'm saying
to you through my day

*1994/1995*

Deserted Snow Day
3rd Ave, Smithers BC
December 2007

Untitled

All my hopes and all my dreams
Have broken off at the seems
Nothing new and nothing old
Can make it beautifully bold

*1994/1995*

Halloween

Bonbons, chocolats et des suçons
Des éléments qui font partie d'une tradition
Fantomes, sorcières et des vampires
Des costumes qui font nos jeunes sourires

Soirée noire, de superstition et de magie
Des bruits étrangent accompanés de chauves-souris

Chats noires, citrouilles coupées et pleine lune
Des prudences prises par chacun et chacune
Fin d'otobre, pour une seule soirée
Des occasions déguisées qu'une foie par année

*1994*

Wonderfully You

You make me feel so beautiful
The way you say my name
No-one can ever smile the way you do
It brightens the day as much as the sun shines
Because you are wonderfully you

Your laughter, your smile and tears fall
I'll be here forever to calm you down
Wiping your tears and fears aside
Because you are wonderfully you

You bring me much happiness
I'll forget not to smile
My feelings grow stronger when you're around
Times passes everlastingly true
Because you are wonderfully you
You are wonderfully you

*1994*

Pris

Pris sans confiances et dans tout conflit
Entendant méchancetés lorsqu'ils rient
J'entends leurs mots et la moquerie dans les voix
Ils se moquent, se moquent constamment de moi
Courage j'en ai plus
Pourquoi ai-je l'air tant déçue
Dirigée par des gens dominants
Impossible les maudits tannats
Coeur brisée en mille morceaus
Pris pour jour...

*1994*

To Hide my Face

Tranquility surrounds this place
Where I go to hide my face
Inner peace I must find
All troubles swept behind
Emotions locked up inside
There is nowhere to hide
Beauty is this wondrous place
Where I go to hide my face

*1994*

Never to be Caught

Portraits of smiles and beauty
Compare not to what I've got
For you are my one and only cutie
With a fighting spirit never to be caught

*1994*

Into Your Eyes

When I look into your eyes
I see through the depths of your soul
The secrets that were left untold
All your sadness is shown
Fears that were locked away
Enveloped in darkness of day

*1994*

Easing Sorrow

Innocent in her way
Knowing not what to say
Alone she trembles with fear
Knowing what she would hear
Mirrors of horror frighten her
Free she'll be never
Misunderstood she is needing compassion
Wanting to throw herself in the ocean
Painful memories haunt her life
Thoughts stabbing like a knife
Her soul pure wild and free
Wondering if she'll ever be
Dawn arising in the night
Disturbs her in an eerie fright
Smiling to hide her pain
Wishing that it would rain
Looking out the window
Trying to ease this sorrow

*1994*

Happy New Year

Just a simple greeting
On this New Years day
May hope and happiness reign
With gratefulness to say

Happy New Year to all my readers!